A Different Kind of Teacher PART TWO

6.Shabby vs. Sharp?
They say clothes make the man. They say we only get one chance to make a great first impression. They say. I know a fellow of modest means that always looks sharp. He is a technician. He has a good job but isn’t rich. When he walks in the room, people turn and look at him. He irons his clothes. His shoes are shined. His hair and beard are neatly trimmed. He has self-respect. He doesn’t look like he slept in his clothes the night before. The color of his shoes match his belt. Little things. He isn’t slovenly. He eats right and takes care of himself. He cares about how he looks but doesn’t obsess about it. He makes a great first, second and third impression. I am working on looking sharp today. I used to show up looking like I slept in my clothes. It’s different today. I iron my pants, shine my shoes, make certain my clothes match. It’s astonishing how little time it takes to look sharp vs. shabby.

7.Excuses vs. Responsibility?
We either make excuses or finish what we start. We either blame others or grow up and do what we say we are going to do. We keep our word to ourselves. Only then can we keep it to others. When we blame others we are really indicting ourselves. Do you remember Aesop’s fable of the of the fox and grapes? After unsuccessfully trying to reach the grapes up on the vine one hot, dusty August day, the angry fox walked away still hungry and thirsty complaining aloud, “They are probably sour grapes anyway. I didn’t really want them.” I don’t want to be the fox. I don’t want to be Mr. Sour Grapes. It’s time for me to grow up, to take personal responsibility for all of my actions and decisions.

8.Negative vs. Positive?
Which one are you? Half Empty or Half Full? Pessimist or Optimist? According to a recent study at Chicago University, Optimists live longer than Pessimists do and have a better time along the way. What is your philosophy? The difference is Pessimists believe the causes of their tragedies and setbacks are permanent, pervasive and personal. (“It’s going to last forever, it’s going to undermine everything I do and it’s me.”) Optimists on the other hand believe the opposite. (“It’s temporary, it will change and I have influence over its outcome.!”) It’s a choice. It’s an attitude. It’s a philosophy. I choose to be an Optimist. Guess what? As a result of that choice, I will live longer and have a better time along the way.

9.Resentment or Forgiveness?
For the first 25 years of my life, I would seethe with resentment over an issue I had caused. I stepped on the toes of others, and was oblivious to the effects of my actions and then I would feel sorry for myself while I blamed others for my problems. Soon, this big resentment attracts lots of little ones. I would replay the wounds over and over again. I was a grudge holder. I would seek out other grudge holders and have a pity party. The solution is simple. Take responsibility for actions and decisions, forgive the other person and move on. The days are long but the years are short. Certainly too short to be holding on to grudges for weeks, months or years. Forgive and forget. Move on. I just know I will live longer and enjoy this brief journey more.

10.Friends First vs. Family First?
I love the line from the Kevin Costner film “Wyatt Earp”, Gene Hackman, Wyatt’s father says at the dinner table, “Nothing counts so much as blood. Everyone else are strangers.” I have tried to live that simple creed. I am very close to my children. I have always spelled love, TIME. Given the choice between a gathering of friends or family, I choose family every time. Not true for some people. My wife taught me that. I married up. Her family is close. Now ours is. Though my kids are grown and living out of country and in other states, but we talk almost daily. Don’t get me wrong, I have some great friends. I enjoy my time with them. I meet once a week with a group of middle age men who share the same values. However, my family always comes first. I believe thats the way its supposed to be.

11.Criticize vs. Praise?
I used to criticize anyone that was more successful than I. When I consider that, it makes me sad. I used to do that all the time. I was often heard saying, “That guy got lucky” or “He must have cheated.” Not anymore. My new favorite phrase is “GOOD FOR YOU!” or “Way to go! You must feel great (or proud). YOU earned it. That’s exciting!” Are you a fault finder or a good finder? Healthy people choose to be good finders. It’s an extension of how they feel about themselves. That too is a choice.

12.Bigotry vs. Self-Effacing Humor
Negative humor is at the expense of someone else, be it a different lifestyle, culture, color or gender. It’s a form of hatred. Judgment and criticism are an extension of that habit. I have been guilty in the past and still, from time to time, catch myself doing it. It’s intolerance. It’s fear based. It’s bigotry. Making fun of myself on the other hand is healthy. If I make fun of my hair, height or shortcomings, you don’t get to. Its like popping a balloon. It surprises people. They don’t expect it. I can do it as much as I want and its okay. It also belies a level of confidence, self-worth and esteem that makes others feel safe. Moreover, its fun. It allows the receiver to relax and enjoy a good laugh at my expense.

13. Fat or Fit?
60% of americans are obese. 30# overweight is considered obese. The tire around the middle. The waist is a terrible thing to mind. Middle age is when your broad mind and narrow waist trade places. I use to gobble my food and reach for seconds before the rest of the guests were halfway finished with firsts. I was betting rushing so I could have thirds. When others went for a walk, I stayed behind and sat on the couch. Being fit is simple, just three things to master: Small portions, quality food, and exercise. That’s it. I am about 10# over my desired weight. I have some work to do. I will achieve my waist goal.

It really is true, we become most like the people with whom we associate. Who are you hanging around? Anchors or Speedboats? What kind of teachers are influencing your philosophy?

I hope these lessons learned from a different kind of teacher will offer some options, some joy, some peace of mind in your life. I know I have a long way to go to live up these 13 Insights. I will be working on them the rest of my life. My hope is the next time you see or hear me, you will notice I am practicing the latter, not the former precept. Maybe, just maybe, I will hear you say, “Good for you!” followed by, “You are nothing like you used to be.” Followed still with “By the way, have you lost some hair?”

I probably should forward this to that different kind of teacher. Thanks Bryce. I learned so much.

Enjoy the journey, the best is yet to come.